brian m. carlson brian m. carlson Personal Life version 2 of the GNU General Public License the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License

I've been doing some thinking about my life lately. I realize that whilst I've been getting better emotionally in my life, including even enjoying life, I still have some way to go. I know that I'm still not where I probably should be. For example, I still fantasize about suicide.

Now, I have no real intent to kill myself, and lots of things that are preventing me from doing so, including a wonderful boyfriend and a really great family of choice. But it still seems that I have this want, even need, to die. I think the underlying issue is that I need to feel important in some way that I don't already. My fantasy of death is that people will somehow wish that I were still alive, that I had not wasted the opportunity to do something great.

I think that realizing this is probably the key to not being quite so fucked up. I'm just not sure what the next step is from here.